Liberation.. back to life..

Finally, a smile is back on my face. For such a long time I have been all frowns and scowls..
I feel so exhilarated and psyched to finally see my real self emerge again. Be careful again because I was hiding something so you won’t be hurt..

I will forever be grateful to God for giving me a chance to be part of LSPO, for bringing to me to Capuchin last weekend. I cannot think of anything else that could have saved me from my dear dead self other than the YE. Had I not gone, i don’t know what evil could have happened. I believe I have been given a second chance at life. I found that my life was worth living because I had worth, I mattered. The excitement of knowing that there are those people who are really willing to listen kept me speaking and sharing and ultimately living.

People often see me as the perky Sheena who’s always just fine.. not knowing that there is a voice deep within me screaming and pleading for help. For the longest time I have felt ignored and alone, nowhere to go and no one to talk to. No safe place for me to hide from my fears and frustrations. Most people do not know how hard and painful it is to cry alone, where no one hears what the heart desires to say. I feel so used, so worn out that in the end there’s no sense to live.. to thrive.. to exist. I wish someone was listening to what I was not saying.

You do not know what I have had to go through to keep a straight face day after day.. losing a little more of myslef as I drag myself from bed each morning to face the world that was. There came a point where I was so afraid. Fearful at what I am capable of doing and achieveing. That place is certainly, a place I refuse to revisit for it builds a deep, empty space right in between my chest. POUNDING...SLAPPING...THUMPING...HITTING...SCREAMING...

Today, I have broken the silence. Will somebody please listen?