RanDom ThOugHts
The past three days have been oh-so productive and tiring at the same time... Reality does set in that it is Summer Break and I am up and about at 8 in the morning and asleep by 12( ...or 1 or 2 or 3 in the morning) It's not so dbad considering that I am most eloquent and AWAKE at that time. I think it has something to do with the silence .. the stilllness ...and the calmness of the night. This time of the day gives me a sense of freedom, when I don't have to listen and follow instructions, wants and desires other than that of my self. I can let my thoughts wander off and fall into a beautiful state of euphoria. I can really dream of who I want to be and what I want to do in the future .(whether it comes true or not)
I feel extremely happy to have a family that is so unique, contradicting and exciting. Something new seems to come in our lives everyday. It's nice to know that there is not much monotony evident, only that at times it can become stressful knowing you want to do so much but are incapable of doing so becuase of sheer laziness or the sense of relaxation. Nonetheless, it's okay.. It's part of the life iI have.. now. Maybe in the future I'll learn to assert and gain control of what i want. Though I must say I enjoy their compnay a LOT.. though at this point I think I need external exposure... Hellow WorLd..
I often find myself talking to myself.. It's really funny and scary because it might mean that I have a problem up there, I have tons of time for myself or maybe my friends don't like me. Believe me, I often have this subject in my thoughts. While I see my sister going out, hanging out and enjoying the company of friends, I find myself cooped up at home and a WEEE bit jealous that she has so many friends to hang out with.. who actually invite her out. She's a free spirited and vibrant girl... I do envy her in MANY ways... She seems to be enjoying every moment in her life while I sit on the sidelines always wondering what others would say or do or think about me. This bad habit has gone BAD.. too far too long.. Did I segregate myself from society or is this who I really am? Considering the length of time I consume talking to myself in a day, I don't think a cassette would be enough to capture it. Sometimes I have great thoughts which I want to capture but fail to do so because of the enormity and length of things to say. I wish I could talk to other people than myself. It's wierd... it's not normal....
Today is my third day in ballet since my LooooOONg break. It seems that I am slowly improving my technique..(yaaay *dances around*) I really see myself in a career related to dance other than the family business which I "will" take over (daw) My passion for dance is just so uncomprehensible... I dance everywhere.. Yes, even in my sleep... Next week will be hard talaga.. ballet, BMS, LSPO.. go superwoman! kayang kaya mo yan!! ay office pa pala.. Not to forget driving lessons?? lilipat ng house?? waah... overload..
I am a wanderlust.. I have to go places.. I have to see and meet people.. even if it has to be in my dreams. Talking about dreams.. I had the most peculiar dream the other day where the first guy I seriously ever loved was present.. We were talking.. It made me miss him.. but not the same way as before.. I'm over him na... Yun nga lang he said before he'd be my bestfriend pero... Let'e leave it at that..
I miss my LIFE.. why do I feel alone even if people are around.. It's a bearable, tolerable but happy emptiness... HAVE I REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME?? I miss chilling out with the MALATE people... sobra.. I miss hanging out with my HS barkada (we've been friends since kinder).. I miss the LSPO people.... I miss after meeting lunches with the BMS peeps.. I miss my hyper blockmates who are presently at distant places.... I miss ATTITUDE..... I miss having FUN....I miss cheerleading.. I miss debating.. I miss the busy activities of the SC... I miss ***...
I miss watching movies... reading great novels... watching TV.... laughing... telebabad... talking to friends...
Isn't it evident I just miss too much .... I hope people miss me too... I hope they don't hate my kadaldalan.. kakulitan.. kahyperan....
Is this what solitude does to a person?
I feel extremely happy to have a family that is so unique, contradicting and exciting. Something new seems to come in our lives everyday. It's nice to know that there is not much monotony evident, only that at times it can become stressful knowing you want to do so much but are incapable of doing so becuase of sheer laziness or the sense of relaxation. Nonetheless, it's okay.. It's part of the life iI have.. now. Maybe in the future I'll learn to assert and gain control of what i want. Though I must say I enjoy their compnay a LOT.. though at this point I think I need external exposure... Hellow WorLd..
I often find myself talking to myself.. It's really funny and scary because it might mean that I have a problem up there, I have tons of time for myself or maybe my friends don't like me. Believe me, I often have this subject in my thoughts. While I see my sister going out, hanging out and enjoying the company of friends, I find myself cooped up at home and a WEEE bit jealous that she has so many friends to hang out with.. who actually invite her out. She's a free spirited and vibrant girl... I do envy her in MANY ways... She seems to be enjoying every moment in her life while I sit on the sidelines always wondering what others would say or do or think about me. This bad habit has gone BAD.. too far too long.. Did I segregate myself from society or is this who I really am? Considering the length of time I consume talking to myself in a day, I don't think a cassette would be enough to capture it. Sometimes I have great thoughts which I want to capture but fail to do so because of the enormity and length of things to say. I wish I could talk to other people than myself. It's wierd... it's not normal....
Today is my third day in ballet since my LooooOONg break. It seems that I am slowly improving my technique..(yaaay *dances around*) I really see myself in a career related to dance other than the family business which I "will" take over (daw) My passion for dance is just so uncomprehensible... I dance everywhere.. Yes, even in my sleep... Next week will be hard talaga.. ballet, BMS, LSPO.. go superwoman! kayang kaya mo yan!! ay office pa pala.. Not to forget driving lessons?? lilipat ng house?? waah... overload..
I am a wanderlust.. I have to go places.. I have to see and meet people.. even if it has to be in my dreams. Talking about dreams.. I had the most peculiar dream the other day where the first guy I seriously ever loved was present.. We were talking.. It made me miss him.. but not the same way as before.. I'm over him na... Yun nga lang he said before he'd be my bestfriend pero... Let'e leave it at that..
I miss my LIFE.. why do I feel alone even if people are around.. It's a bearable, tolerable but happy emptiness... HAVE I REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME?? I miss chilling out with the MALATE people... sobra.. I miss hanging out with my HS barkada (we've been friends since kinder).. I miss the LSPO people.... I miss after meeting lunches with the BMS peeps.. I miss my hyper blockmates who are presently at distant places.... I miss ATTITUDE..... I miss having FUN....I miss cheerleading.. I miss debating.. I miss the busy activities of the SC... I miss ***...
I miss watching movies... reading great novels... watching TV.... laughing... telebabad... talking to friends...
Isn't it evident I just miss too much .... I hope people miss me too... I hope they don't hate my kadaldalan.. kakulitan.. kahyperan....
Is this what solitude does to a person?
posted by sHeeNs at 9:21 AM
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